This is an essay idea I really like; however, I know several things need to change. I think I know what needs to change, but I'd love ideas of how to change it. Any thoughts?
The tiger shark is a fascinating species. They're most famous for their capacity and affinity to digesting anything they come upon. Dissected grown tiger sharks have been recorded to contain a plethora of flotsam and jetsam, including license plates. Their peculiar diet is evident before they are even born. The sharks hatch out of their eggs while still inside their mother. The first shark guppy born then commences to devour all of its unborn brothers and sisters, for important nutrients as well as narrowed competition. Many laymen would affiliate this behavior with that old adage, "survival of the fittest." The question I've always wanted to ask was this: Why survive?
There's a shocking number of unanswered questions in this world. Things that can't be totally proved or things that have remained unearthed for centuries, mined for by countless generations of every recorded people, race, and nation. Some people are bothered by these anomalies. These are the same people, who if we told them to NOT eat another cookie, threatening "or else," They'd gobble it up in three bites, if only to discover what the "else" was.
They have many names, but we all know what they really are: Scientists. These people must prod and poke at every aspect of life natural and synthetic to know the impossibility looming over us and breathing down our necks: HOW.
Discovery is important. It is in the human psyche. We are sentient beings, driven by our rush for knowledge. This is not an argument in opposition of that belief, but a mere personal corollary: Humans need mystery.
The whole world is a mystery. Scientists may be able to explain how the trees grew, or even how they evolved into trees, or how birds evolved to sit in them. Yes, scientists are very involved with how, but so rarely do they answer the inevitable question of
why. No number of tests and educated guesses could ever really answer this question, which worms through our innards like tiger shark guppies, devouring all other questions that could compete in our subconscious.
This question calls to a particular type of person. They have significantly fewer names than all the titles scientists can claim. In fact, most of them prefer the one and simple that they wear with pride: Writer. These are the people who if we asked the average life expectancy of a frog, they'd likely answer in the most unlikely way possible.
These two Peoples are very similar, actually. In fact, the only difference at all is which unstoppable force they'll adhere to: How or Why?
I am a writer. I am Voyager, Discoverer, Explorer. I am learning, and hope that you can, too. I will share my discoveries, allow you all to read my travel logue as I seek out my secret treasure maps, unearthed, carefully used and well-treated by early craftsmen, then reburied for the discovery of later artists to use with equally great care, to also find this deep treasure of writing, the answers to the squirming Why inside of us.
Do you want more ideas on structure, or of ideas to follow? I love the topic of the thing - it really makes someone evaluate themselves. But I think it needs some remodeling to make it flow a little better. Essays are totally my field, if I can be arrogant enough to say.
ReplyDeleteFirst, spend just a tad more time on everything in the first paragraph. Detail a little more on tiger shark diets, tell us how there's probably more tiger shark kills than great whites, etc. Then end the paragraph on "Why Survive?" It's a powerful enough statement, it completely flips the essay around, and it deserves a pause.
Hm, oh, wait, I think you did enter there... darn blogger doesn't tab, huh?
In your second paragraph, try once again to lengthen it out so that it doesn't seem to speed from one idea to the next. Give us, dare I say, a little less summized meat of the essay and just a little more fluff. Believe me when I tell you I almost never say this to people. But you'll need to spend a little more time from the transition of ideas from "There are unanswered question everywhere" to "There are nerds everywhere trying to find the answers to them." It just needs to be prepped and bridged a little more.
After finishing with the scientist, introduce us to the writer a little more clearly - sign post it. As soon as you say your loud "HOW" give us the next topic straight off instead of dawdling - you can put the words in later, but we need to know where we are. You trap us in limbo for a couple paragraphs there.
When you detail the writer, you put the title after the descriptions, as if to keep us in suspense. Don't. It's an essay. Tall us exactly what you're talking about.
I think you should also spend a bit more time on both the scientist and the writer, like, a couple of paragraphs each. Examples would help, details would help, and give us the contributions of each. It would expand so much better if you weighed both of them equally.
(I think you're also forgetting the third class of people: Inventors. Occaisonally, a gem of a person shows up and shakes the world up a bit. Take for example, Ben Franklin, or George Washington Carver, or Thomas Edison, or Steven Hawking. I think that could be a great second to last paragraph.)
I like how you identify yourself in the final paragraph. It seals the deal, and it's the clincher that makes us wonder who we are.
Overall, I absolutely love your prose. You really are a writer, and you show it. I love the idea flow and the concept is incredible. You should enter this as an Original Oratory speech in a debate tournament. You'd kill.
Thanks a lot. In fact, that answered some questions I was debating over. I don't agree with the inventors: it doesn't go with the theme of why I'm a writer. But this is the purely rough draft, and I'll make the revisions as soon as I have time...
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