Three class periods later I was sitting with my friends at lunch. As usual, we all had something to do whether it was math homework, history test quizzing, a book, or, as for me, just a notebook for songs that I love to write. I was so absorbed in the lyrics that I wasn't even aware of what I was putting in my mouth. Suddenly, I felt someone sit beside me. I finished the line I was writing and looked up. I was caught off guard, and yet, not completely surprised to see Josh sitting there. Confused, I said, “Hi?”
Maybe I shouldn't have said it, it looked like encouragement for him, expressed in his eyes. “Hi,” He gave a tentative smile that was very unlike him. “Uh, so, what would you think if instead of the bonfire, we went to dinner, or something?” He tried to seem, calm, cool, collected, and casual, but his very essence felt of awkwardness.
I glanced at my friends and gave them a silent, “What?” face. They all look shocked and confused too, and I turned back to Josh. “Why is this so important to you Josh?”
“Because, I, um.” He cleared his throat and said, “Well,”
“Josh, I'm not going out with you. I don't understand why you are even trying. I am me, and you are... you. We live in two different worlds Josh.”
His face was solemn as he stared into her stubborn gaze. “But they do say opposites attract.” he said, emotionless.
I sighed and said, “Josh, I don't understand you, and I have no intention of trying to. So lets just drop it, okay?” And with that I stood up and walked out of the lunch room, successfully resisting the urge to turn and look at Josh sitting there, probably watching me walking away.
I took a deep breath and pulled out my iPod. I plugged in the earbuds and put it on shuffle. As a song came on, I started mouthing the words along. Meanwhile, I walked to the south end of the high school, where the music department was located. Here, things made sense. Music had the perfect balance of rules and wide open boundaries that left so much room for discovery. Here, I didn't have to worry. I had a place here.
I walked into the choir room where the music department's main piano sat. I paused the music pounding in my ears, extracted my headphones and took a seat before the grand piano. My fingers hovered over the keys for a moment, bouncing up and down, finding a beat before I started playing. The strain which I played streamed from the vibrating metal strings to me, where the melody coursed through my soul. I took out all my emotions on the keyboard, all of the confusion and frustration, and soon enough it all went away. Nothing existed except the music and I.
As my fingers flew, so did the time. Before I knew it, the bell rang for students to return to class. I quickly closed the piece I was playing, stood and left the room.
At the same time I stepped outside the double doors my eyes landed right on Josh. He sat on the floor across the hall from the choir room. His eyes were watching, searching me silently. I stood there, frozen in his gaze, and returned it with my own icy blue stare. Students began passing between us, crowding through the hallway to get to their next class. Josh and I's fixed focus on each other did not break though.
Josh stood and finally broke the connection by turning and walking away. I lost sight of him in the crowd. All the emotions I had just worked out on the piano came rushing back. Why was Josh acting so oddly? This was the apex of his peculiar behavior. I thought back on the past couple of weeks, trying to see if I had overlooked something. I realized that Josh had been less argumentative and more conversational in the recent past. Not too noticeably so, but enough that I wondered what was going through his mind. He seemed so much more cryptic than before. I had always been able to read him well before, but now, I had no clue.
I suddenly realized that I had to hurry to class, or I'd be late. As I dashed to history, my mind skimmed over all the things that filled it; historical facts, musical melodies, Josh, and my dream from the night before.
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